SO, THIS IS 30…

Today is almost my 30th birthday, and here I am — sitting on my bed, typing this blog post.

This isn’t quite how I imagined entering my 30’s. I thought I'd be somewhere in Italy, tasting my favorite foods, enjoying beautiful scenery and people. Or doing something thrilling — like jumping out of a plane maybe?

I vowed to myself this next chapter of my life would be about new beginnings. A huge reset. Trying new things, scary things ..ones that challenge me — but also make me feel like a kid again.

There’s something poetic about childhood — how fragile we were, yet so bold. Our deep need for creativity and exploration was undeniable. We were daring, took risks, and those risks turned into our greatest memories.

Somewhere in adulthood, between jobs, media, and the voices of doubt from many people.. we lost that need to truly live. There’s this kid inside of me – she’s screaming to be great again.

As I get older, I realize life doesn’t stop for anyone, nor is tomorrow promised.

One of the things I hear most from people at the end of their lives is their regret — wishing they’d done what they always dreamed of, not becoming that person they always wanted to be. I didn’t want to be that someone.

So, I planned to start my 30's with a bang. I mean..It would only be right..right?

I was in transit to my destination, my luggage in hand. A bit anxious, unsure what awaits me for this mini getaway from home.. Watching the time on my phone, my anxiety grew.

I have to make it.

Thirty hours left until the big day.

You see, with a few exceptions, I never really enjoy my birthdays the way I used to. I kind of want them to come and go — they rarely end up how I imagine. A fact? It always rains on my birthday. No matter where I go.

This year, I just wanted to escape. I wanted to feel the wind slapping my face, blowing through my hair as I looked down at all of God's creation beneath my feet. Riding on a string, I was going to escape into the clouds – if I were high enough to reach them.

The thought was scary… but exciting.

That bit of excitement didn’t last long. It quickly turned into disappointment when my train was delayed right before my stop, causing me to miss my bus by 3 mins.While watching the bus pull away from the parkway, my fantasy drifted further and further away. No refund, no alternatives and no shared help to salvage the plan.. meant spending almost double what I paid for my first ticket. $300 worth a one-way did not sound good to me.

Somewhere between my efforts to hold onto my vision of what this birthday would mean and the reality of the moment, I lost all enthusiasm and motivation to keep the pieces together. It suddenly felt like every doubt I had before this was right all along.

I decided maybe it’s best if I go home. 

On the ride back, I cried. Light tears, but they carried weight. I wasn’t just disappointed — I was devastated. Because in just an hour, something had become painfully clear to me.

Sometimes, we have to let go, even when we try so hard to hold on.

Life has a way of hitting us in unexpected ways, and we might not understand why our plans don’t pan out how we wish. But sometimes, these events happen with good reason.

Just a week ago, I was ready to go full throttle, crossing everything off my bucket list this year. I had ideas of what my entire year could look like, surrounded by people I believed I’d spend it with.

However, what these humbling past few days have reminded me, was that I needed a redirection. 

I was approaching my 30’s all wrong. I was so ready to challenge myself in every way, except for the areas of my life that needed it the most. 

Instead of seeking thrill, I do nothing — and everything — all at once, using my birthday as a day of reflection.

Where am I?  Where would I like to be? Who am I? Who do I want to become? What would it truly take for me to get there?

I realized that while I have a certain vision for myself, my past wounds have allowed me to accept less than I deserve. It was time to start asking myself the hard questions.  

Re-evaluating my relationships with friends and family. Am I truly supported and loved here? Is there reciprocity or have I just settled? 

My passions and purpose. Am I pursuing this path because it’s truly mine — or because of expectations? 

Most importantly, re-evaluating my relationship with myself. Am I giving myself the love, honesty, and commitment I need to grow?

For the next 365 days, my 30th won’t just mark time. It will represent true growth, guided by the courage to release what no longer nurtures my spirit.

In numerology, it’s no wonder the number 30 symbolizes a turning point.
And did you know that rain is often seen as a blessing — a symbol of renewal?

So, here it is, my first bang of 30 —publishing my personal blog. 

It’s something I’ve been meaning to do, but fear held me back. Hitting “publish” brings me one step closer to being the woman I want to be. A person who takes risks, who seeks purpose. Someone who sees life as a gift, and expects more — fulfilling relationships, meaningful challenges, real adventure. Someone who doesn’t wait for the rain to stop pouring – but goes where the sun shines.

 I once read:

“30s is a major beginning. It’s not the end that I’ve always worried about.”

And now I understand, as I leave my 20’s behind, that the end of one chapter always makes space for something new to grow.

I guess this was the bang I needed after all.

xo,

If this blog post were a song, it’d be “All Good Things” by Nelly Furtado — a song I used to listen to when I was younger, but feels even more profound now.